What did we do last night that was yellow?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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