question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Randomize
