Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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