I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
My breasts were aching with rage.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
