Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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