Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
you will always have a special place in my vag
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
