If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
