The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I got inside last night via doggy door
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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