im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I'm at about main and main street
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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