So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Terrible idea I love it
Randomize
