We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
