my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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