I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
