I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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