what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
my sisters under your porch take her home
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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