I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Randomize
