i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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