All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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