i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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