you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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