I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
