I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
