she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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