Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
