another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
