with your own penis?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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