You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
