I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
