I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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