i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
