Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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