she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
