I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
