Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
