textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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