It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
