I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
