when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
