I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
