I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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