At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Randomize
