sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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