He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
