She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
