I hope mine doesn't look like that
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
