A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
