Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
