his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
