god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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