His pubic hair was longer than his dick
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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