ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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