can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
