I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
