i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize