Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
she peed on how many people?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
