Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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