theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
