At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
