Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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