ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
