If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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