im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
