Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
