You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
