i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
