Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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