Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
