It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
