She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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