My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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