is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
