they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
