there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
