Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
