Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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