Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
