he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize