sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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