weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
