I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
