Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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