She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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