can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
