no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
