i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
