Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Green mimosas i think yes
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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