He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
