She is in my trunk
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
