she was so not down for the gang bang
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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