my being single is dangerous.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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