How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
