Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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