so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I have surprise drugs for everyone
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
