Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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