did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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