In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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