My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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