I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
