you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
