I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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